Week 2 is in the books! After multiple heart attacks following two games ending in OT, how did everyone fair after a wild week?
1.Eagles (0)
This score looked a lot closer than the game was. Eagles dominated the game up until the middle of the 3rd quarter until Kirk Cousins threw a 62 yarder to rookie Jordan Addison. The Eagles were able to hold off the disappointing Vikings for a needed NFC win. Birds stay undefeated.
2. Niners (0)
Niners fans had a bit of a scare against the rebuilding Rams. Thankfully, after halftime, it was all Niners. Christian McCaffrey continued his dominance, with 116 yards and a score on the ground, while Brock Purdy further his grip on the hold for Niners QB. Trey Lance who?
3. Dolphins (+1)
I foolishly picked this game to break the scoreboard. With the hot starts both Tua and Mac have had, I thought the score of this game would total in the 60s/70s, but it definitely wasn’t a letdown. Miami quieted Mac, but Tua was quieted as well. No matter, Mostert picks up the slack and wills Miami to a Divisional win. Miami is 2-0.
4. Chiefs (-1)
Well, that was a messy game for both sides. A suddenly human looking Chiefs squad should thank their stars that the Jaguars played worse. Mahomes put up great passing numbers but has started the season on a rough note. Altogether, KC needs to clean up the offense if they want a repeat.
5. Ravens (+3)
Ravens stay undefeated. Yet another game where the score looked closer than the game was, the Ravens dominated the Bengals and Joe Burrow. Lamar looked much better, with 2 TDs, one to new addition, Nelson Agholor. Baltimore is shocking the NFL world, currently leading the AFC.
(Authors Note: As a Ravens fan living outside of Cincinnati, it’s rough. I took my girlfriend to see $uicideboy$ at Heritage Bank Center. We arrived near Paycor just as the game ended, traffic was nuts. My car has a Ravens bumper magnet, which led to me getting cut off by a Bengal bus. Cincinnati, fix the traffic situation. Also, the show was a blast. All hail $crim and Ruby.)
6. Cowboys (+3)
Cowboys left no room for doubt on Sunday, quickly sweeping Cougar Hunter and the Jets under the rug. After two dominating performances to start the season, but that raises an important question: Are the Cowboys that good? Week 1 was against Danny Derp and an ice cold Giants offense. Week 2 was against a terrible Zach Wilson. So far, Dallas has yet to face up against a QB that’s considered elite, but we shall see.
7. Bills (-2)
Yeesh, Buffalo looked PISSED. After losing to the MILF lover in week 1, they came out and thrashed Las Vegas. The Rushing attack looked much better this week, gaining 183 yards on the ground. Now that Allen has help, can he stop with the turnovers? He leads the league in turnovers since he was drafted in 2018. Funny enough, Josh Allen is both the savior for Buffalo, and what’s holding them back.
8. Lions (-1)
What a game in the Motor City! The offensive fireworks continue to go off in Ford Field. After Tre Browns pick six, the Lions were in a 10 point hole, but managed to push for OT. Meanwhile, OT was a different story for Detroit, allowing Geno to call game with a short pass to Tyler Lockett. While Detroit fell, they put up a commendable fight.
9. Jets (-3)
The Jets are in the Bermuda Triangle: Gone. Vanished. Poof. After so much drama and promise throughout the off-season, they bounced quicker than Fireman Ed after the butt fumble. While the defense is still great, the offense continues to be the problem. Zach threw 3 picks against Dallas, yet was the leading rusher. After having two playoff hopeful teams last year, New York suddenly has two laughing stocks again. There’s always hope for the Jets this season, but I’m still doubtful.
10. Vikings (+1)
Vikings have been a confusing team. Once the hottest team not named the Eagles last season, Minnesota has disappointed. Justin Jefferson keeps doing Justin things, bringing in 11 catches for 159 yards. Speaking of which, when will Kirk Cousins get the respect he deserves? Man threw 4 TDs, bringing his season total to 6, with only 1 interception. Why yes Kirk, I do like that.
11. Chargers (-1)
Chargers? Chargers. Los Angeles can’t seem to get out of their own way. Last week against the Dolphins was a loss by the defense, this week against the Titans was a loss by the offense. Herbert just simply couldn’t put away Tennessee, losing in OT to a team they should’ve beat. My prediction of the Chargers missing the playoffs is starting to look more and more likely. Brandon Staley must have grill marks on his ass from how hot his seat is right now.
12. Seahawks (+5)
Give the Seahawks credit, they’re competitive day in and day out. After letting the Lions comeback and force OT, Geno and company closed the game out, bringing a win back to the Emerald City. Geno looked better this week, but this Offense depends on him performing. If he keeps it up, the wins will keep coming.
13. Buccaneers (+6)
Baker Mayfield has been “cooking” (hold for applause) some wins up for the Bay. After predictions had the Buccs finishing dead last in the NFC South, Mayfield has had Tampa in the race in a suddenly strong NFC South. Mike Evans went off, bringing in 6 catches for 171 yards and a TD. After losing Brady, it seems like Tampa hasn’t skipped a beat.
14. Jaguars (0)
Duval just can’t seem to catch a break recently. After letting Indy put up decent numbers against them, they lay an egg at home against the defending Champs. Jacksonville forced 3 turnovers, but couldn’t capitalize on any of them. On the bright side, Christian Kirk seems to be making his contract look less and less like an albatross.
15. Packers (-2)
No one said a life without Aaron Rodgers would be easy. While Love had looked brilliant, the Packers fell to Atlanta. Speaking of Love, I don’t think anyone has expected this performance from him. He’s currently tied with Kirk Cousins with 6 TDs, but still has yet to throw a single interception. Moving on from Aaron may be easier for Green Bay than we thought.
16. Bengals (-4)
Closer than last week, but more hurt for Cincinnati. The Bengals looked to be onto something, cutting Baltimore’s lead to just 3 with two minutes to go. Zac Taylor failed to use his timeouts when he should’ve, and a first down run by Lamar led to the Bengals starting 0-2 for the second season in a row. Burrow looked to aggravate his ankle, hobbling off the field after a late TD pass to Higgins. The Queen City just can’t catch a break.
17. Titans (+1)
Tennessee is giving their fans heart attacks week in and week out. After losing a nail biter against Nawlins, they suddenly squeak out an OT win against the playoff Chargers. Nice little upset against Herbert and company. Tannehill took my opinion to heart and put up the best numbers he’s had in a while, going 20 for 24 with a TD. His starting job is safe for now, but Malik Willis and Will “Hellmans” Levis are nipping at his heels.
18. Commanders (+3)
Raise your hand if you thought before the season that this game would be a candidate for Game of the Year. Ok, now lower your hands, liars. Commanders proved to the NFL that the franchise isn’t a complete mess anymore and with authority. Sam Howell looked great, again, and Brian Robinson continued to tear up the Denver defense. Also, that stop on the late two point conversion? Wow.
19. Patriots (-3)
A worse outing from the Patriots than I expected, but not bad. New England managed to keep it close, but forgot about Raheem Mostert. Shocking enough, the Patriots are 0-2 for the first time since 2001. If New England misses the playoffs again, could we see a change at the helm?
(Authors Note: Hate to see the news about Patriots fan Dale Mooney passing away after the game. There was a fight with a Dolphins fan, but the autopsy has shown that his passing was from a medical issue, not from the fight itself. Still, why can’t we keep our hands to ourselves and just enjoy a game? Rest in peace.)
20. Steelers (+3)
We finally see some life in the Steel City. Don’t get me wrong, the Offense is still god awful, but it’s nice to see…something. The Defense outscored the Offense, which is never a good sign. The Steelers have so much promise, and there’s an easy fix for it: FIRE MATT CANADA. Good Divisional win though!
21. Giants (-1)
What is going on with the Giants? New York started its first 6 quarters of the season without a single point. Nothing. Zero. Nada. They went into halftime behind 20-0 to the tanking Cardinals. At 9 minutes in the 3rd Quarter, the Giants had finally scored on a Danny Dimes run, but were in the hole 28-7. ESPN gave the Cardinals a 95.7% chance of victory at that point. Suddenly, the flood gates opened and the Giants walked away with a 31-28 victory. Currently, the biggest comeback victory in Giants history. So, let’s recap. Week 1: Biggest loss in Cowboys-Giants history. Week 2: Biggest comeback in team history. What?
22. Browns (-7)
The Browns are in trouble. They went into Pittsburgh looking to build on their impressive win over Cincinnati, but came limping out, both metaphorically and literally. Deshaun Watson looks rough and Nick Chubb is lost for the season after a gruesome leg injury. I picked Cleveland to finish last in the AFC North and after Monday Night, it appears more and more possible. I genuinely feel for Browns fans right now.
23. Falcons (+2)
Atlanta squeaked out a win against Green Bay to stay undefeated. Bijan Robinson has looked fantastic and appears to be the Offensive Rookie of the Year favorite. In a suddenly strong NFC South, Atlanta needs to stay ahead of the pack.
24. Saints (+2)
The Bayou is 2-0 for the first time since 2013. After the Derek Carr praise last week, he laid an egg against the Panthers, relying on unknown commodity Tony Jones Jr to punch the ball in twice. While they are 2-0, they’re probably the most suspicious 2-0 team. Close wins against the Titans and Panthers are worrying.
25. Rams (-1)
Los Angeles let a winnable game slide from their grasps. After keeping up with San Francisco all of the first half, even having the lead at one point, they went quiet. All they could give the home fans to root for in the 2nd half was a field goal. The big question? Is Matt Stafford still the answer in LA? After their Super Bowl season, he’s been meh. Boy, those picks would look good right about now.
26. Broncos (-4)
Although the Broncos lost at home, they shut up a lot of haters. After a season of failing to score more than 16 points in half their games, the offense finally clicked and Denver hung points up, but still lost. Definitely no disrespect to the Horses here, Denver played a helluva game.
27. Colts (+3)
Anthony Richardson looks like a promising prospect, but can Indianapolis count on his passing? Before leaving against Houston with a concussion, Richardson had two scores, both on the ground. His current TD:INT ratio is 1:1, which isn’t screaming elite, but he wills his teams to wins. Gardner Minshew wound up finishing the game for the Colts and looked great, only 4 incompletions all day. So, here’s my opinion on the situation; Start Minshew, let Richardson develop. Anthony is great, but still young, and has left both games this season with injuries.
28. Panthers (-1)
Carolina falls short yet again. While they’re bad now, there is promise in Charlotte. Bryce Young looks to be developing every week and the offense has the ability to produce, but just can’t. The Panthers made a surprising run at the NFC South crown last season, maybe we can see it again?
29. Raiders (-1)
Las Vegas should’ve stayed on the bus. After opening the game with a Davante Adams TD, the Raiders could only muster 3 more points afterwards and were shut out in the 2nd half. Jimmy G tossed 2 passes to the other team. To make matters worse, the leading rusher was Tre Tucker, who had 1 attempt for 34 yards. Yikes.
30. Bears (-1)
Chicago is a mess. Justin Fields has seemed to fall off, costing thousands of Fantasy Football players their matchups. Newly added DJ Moore has helped the offense, but it’s still rusty. The O-line is doing them no favors, letting the middling Buccaneers Pass Rush feast for 6 sacks. Please NFL, don’t let another Ohio State QB die.
(Edit: As I finished writing this article, the news broke about Alan Williams. After an FBI Raid of his home, he has chosen to resign as Defensive Coordinator. Jesus, the Bears are a mess.)
31. Texans (+1)
Another day, another loss for Houston. While Stroud has put up great numbers, the Texans keep losing. CJ appears to be trying to will his team into the win column, but he’s practically doing it by himself. The young defense certainly isn’t doing him any favors. Eventually, Houston will be competitive again.
32. Cardinals (-1)
Jesus, Arizona. Openly tanking is bad enough, but Sunday’s game against New York was AWFUL. After acquiring a 21 point lead in the third quarter, the Cardinals flat out blew it. The Offense went quiet and the Defense was nowhere to be seen. I’m sure it was more than the desert heat that was making Cardinals fans sick.
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