Power Rankings: Week 1

Welcome back Football! After a long off-season filled with multiple story lines, we finally have Week 1 in the books. How did your favorite team do?

1. Eagles (+1)

The reigning NFC Champs are currently the best team in the league, at least in my book. “Big Play” Slay’s 70 yard interception put an exclamation mark on the beginning of what will surely be another great season in the city of brotherly love. A little scare caused by a suddenly impressive Patriots offense put a bit of damper on the game, but the birds held on.

2. 49ers (+1)

What an absolute thumping of the up and coming Steelers! Brock Purdy looked fantastic, considering the off-season elbow surgery. Christian McCaffrey proved me right in my MVP pick, rushing for 152 yards and a touchdown, including a long 65 yarder that made him look like a man among boys.

3. Chiefs (-2)

Wow, what a game. Chiefs at home looked to celebrate the new banner going up at Arrowhead, but the Lions had other plans. Getting beat at home is rough, but by a team that missed the playoffs last season and has been considered a laughing stock up until late last season hurts. Mahomes needs all the help he can get, being his team’s leading rusher. After watching Toney earn a sponsorship with Butterfingers Thursday Night, Valdez-Scantling has to become THAT GUY or the Chiefs are in trouble this season.

4. Dolphins (+3)

Dolphins outlast the Chargers in a thriller at Sofi. Tua and Tyreek looked to be in mid-season form, connecting on two touchdowns. My only worry is Tua’s health. He looked to be an MVP favorite at mid-season, but the concussions knocked him out and cost the Dolphins a chance to run through the AFC. Can Miami keep Tua healthy?

5. Bills (-1)

What a letdown. After an injury to Aaron Rodgers, the Bills failed to capitalize the opportunity at hand and lost to Zach Wilson. Zach. Wilson. Josh Allen looked bad out there, throwing 3 picks to a loaded Jets secondary, while the ground game couldn’t get moving. Bills, get this man some help.

6. Jets (0)

Gut punches abound in the Big Apple. Giants get blown out Sunday night and Aaron Rodgers is possibly lost for the season Monday night. While Zach Wilson was able to lead the Jets to an overtime victory over the AFC East favorites, can he replace Rodgers and lead the team to the playoffs? New York, prepare your liquor of choice, it’s gonna be a rough one.

7. Lions (+3)

Now THAT’S how you open a season! Detroit came into Arrowhead, hushed the crowd, and made the city believe again. Lions have been a popular pick to win the NFC North (I had Minnesota) and I can see why. Will we finally see Detroit in a Super Bowl? Will pigs fly? Will Cincinnati win the pennant? Anything seems possible right now.

8. Ravens (+1)

Baltimore looked bad out there Sunday. Crazy amount of penalty yards for a usually disciplined squad is worrying, but Roquan and the defense kept them in it. Lamar lead the Ravens in both passing and rushing yet again, but the passing attack looked somewhat better, even with Andrews sidelined, with Odell bringing in an impressive snag from two defenders and Rookie Zay Flowers putting up 78 yards. Also, JK Dobbins and Tyler Linderbaum are lost for the season. Poop.

9. Cowboys (+7)

How bout dem Cowboys! Dallas proceeded to dominate New York Sunday night for the worst blowout between the two in rivalry history. Tony Pollard rewarded Jerry’s trust in him, taking in 2 Touchdowns. Defense also came to play, intercepting Danny Dimes twice, once for a score, as well as blocking a kick for a score. Not bad.

10. Chargers (+1)

Chargers gonna Charger. Herbert and crew had the game won, but the defense let them down again. The offense can definitely put up points, but the defense can’t seem to step up, even with big names. I still have Los Angeles as a wildcard team, but if the defense can’t get off the field, I see another first round exit.

11. Vikings (-3)

Minnesota is an aggravating team. Last year, I thought they could make a run at their first Lombardi and fell to the Daniel Jones lead Giants. Now they lose to the Buccaneers, who many thought would be a bottom feeder. Jefferson opened his 2023 MVP campaign strong, finishing with 9 catches for 150 yards. With the recent loss of Dalvin Cook, Minnesota has to revive the ’98 Vikings to compete with the likes of Philly and Detroit.

12. Bengals (-7)

Y’know, my mom always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Well mom, my job requires me to say a lot. Where do I begin? Cincinnati came into Cleveland a Super Bowl favorite, but laid an egg against a team they should’ve demolished in the “Battle of Ohio.” Burrow looked rusty, Mixon was off, and Chase was M.I.A. Considering how tough the AFC North should be this year, this is a game Cincy really needed. Hey, at least the Reds won?

13. Packers (+1)

The Packers still own Chicago, even without Aaron Rodgers. Jordan Love looked to be the future in Green Bay, tossing 3 TDs. Aaron Jones added another TD on the ground. If the Pack can keep this up, expect then to give Detroit and Minnesota a run for the NFC North.

14. Jaguars (+1)

The Jaguars looked questionable in Indianapolis. Jacksonville needed heroics from Lawrence and the underrated Running Back corps of Etienne and Bigsby to pull off the win against one of the worst teams in the NFL. Duval definitely had a scare in this one, yet pulled it off. 

15. Browns (+5)

Where was this last season, Brownies? The Chase proclaimed “Elves” defended home turf against an onslaught of Bengals and made it look easy. Deshaun Watson continues to look tense (are there any massage parlors in Cleveland?), but Chubb looked great! This begs the question; Are the Browns that good, or are the Bengals that bad? 

16. Patriots (+1)

The Patriots played a great game against the Super Bowl runner-ups, and there’s definitely no shame in that. Mac Jones had himself a day, with 3 TDs against one of the best Defenses in the NFL, with only the Darius Slay interception hurting his numbers. If they play like this every week, we could see the Pats back in January Football.

17. Seahawks (-4)

Seattle went silent in the 2nd half, allowing the Rams to tear them apart. Geno failed to live up to the hype of last season, only throwing for 112 yards the entire game. Seattle has got to wake up and smell the coffee if they want another postseason berth this season.

18. Titans (0)

After a rough visit to Nawlins, Tannehill should be worried about his job. 3 interceptions would worry most, but luckily Tennessee’s defense kept them in the game, even with Nick Folk being the leading scorer. Henry had a relatively quiet day, but that’s no need for worry for Titans fans. Hard fought loss.

19. Buccaneers (0)

An impressive outing by Baker Mayfield and the Creamsicle Crew. The Buccs came into US Bank and planted their flag with a win that’s sure to give folks in Western Florida hope for the season. Speaking of hope, is it an omen that Mike Evans put up a very demonic statline (6 receiving, 66 yards) considering he may be on his way out? 

20. Giants (-8)

That was the shellacking of shellackings. The Giants failed to put up a single point in front of their home crowd, while the defense looked ice cold out there. It’s hard to believe that this team was not only in the playoffs last season, but won a game. Big Blue has a lot of soul searching to do this week.

21. Commanders (+2)

Commanders made a great decision in making Sam Howell the starter. He looked confident on the field and pulled off the rally to beat the Cardinals. That’s the good. The bad? Washington needed a rally to beat the openly tanking Cardinals. With new ownership (and possibly a new name?), I expect Washington to be on the ups very soon.

22. Broncos (0)

The Broncos still continue to have the offensive woes that plagued them last season. The Sean Payton era in the Mile High begins with a tough loss to the hated Raiders. Russell Wilson looked good, but good won’t get this team into the playoffs. 

23. Steelers (-2)

What an absolute letdown in the Steel City. Pittsburgh was a popular upset pick (especially among my peers) but came out flat. Pickett lived up to his name (hold for applause) by tossing two duds to the Niner defense. Matt Canada’s offense still has issues getting the ball moving, but rumors have it that Tomlin is upset and considering a change at OC. 

24. Rams (+4)

The Rams are a weird team. At halftime, the score was 13-7 in the Seahawks favor, and the Rams couldn’t get anything going. Suddenly in the 2nd half, they exploded. Los Angeles kept Seattle scoreless and put up an additional 23 points. I thought the Rams would struggle on offense with the loss of Cooper Kupp and Sony Michel, but it finally clicked. Kyren Williams pushed in two scores on the ground, while Geno was left terrified of Aaron Donald on the other side. Could we see a Rams rebound this season?

25. Falcons (-1)

In the battle of the highly touted First Round Picks, Bijan got the dub. Robinson earned his first career TD on an 11 yard pass from Ridder to put the Falcons on the board first. Atlanta stepped over their division rivals to get a well needed win in a suddenly tight NFC South race. 

26. Saints (+1)

Derek Carr’s debut in the Bayou went…ok. With 305 yards, 1 TD and a pick, not terrible but after years of Brees, you’d think Who Dat Nation would expect a little more. Sophomore Chris Olave had a 100 yard receiving game to start the season and should continue to be a weapon down the road, but don’t get me wrong, this is still a mediocre team.

27. Panthers (-2)

Bryce Young had his “Welcome to the NFL” moment, throwing 2 picks in the 10-24 loss. However, he did toss a 4 yarder to Hayden Hurst for his first career TD. To add to the bad luck for Young, Hurst then proceeded to hand the ball to a lucky fan. Rough goings in Charlotte this year.

28. Raiders (+1)

A late score from New QB Jimmy Garoppolo stole a victory for the Raiders in Denver. Jimmy was fantastic for the Silver and Black, tossing 2 TDs to new receiver Jacobi Meyers. A hard fought win is always wanted, but the Raiders can’t continue to squeak out wins if they want to make it to the postseason. 

29. Bears (+1)

Chicago falls at home to the hated rivals in Wisconsin. Again. We’re starting to see a pattern where QBs lead their teams in Passing and Rushing and its worrisome. Fields had a great game, but this Offense can’t be all Justin.

30. Colts (+1)

Rookie Anthony Richardson appeared to be nearly the whole team against the Jags. Getting his first career TD on a scramble, Richardson looked great, nearly willing his team to an upset, but fell just short. I had him listed as one of my potential busts this off-season, but has proved me wrong so far. It’s great to see Indianapolis competitive. 

31. Cardinals (-5)

Arizona is on track for a rough season. Again. Rumors point to the Cardinals tanking for Caleb Williams, which confuses me. They drafted Josh Rosen high in 2018, tanked for Kyler Murray in 2019, and are now tanking again for ANOTHER QB? Situations like this is why the Cardinals will never be taken seriously. Instead of building on a strong showing in 2021, they chose to rebuild again. How much longer can the fans in the desert take this?

32. Texans (0)

The Texans in CJ Stroud’s debut looked rough. Stroud is still looking for his first TD while fellow rookie Will Anderson Jr got his first sack on Lamar. While the Ravens have a tough defense, Stroud will have to do more to get his team in the win column. Expect another high pick in Houston next season.